Sally's Music Burns

I listened to my creator's music so you don't have to. You're welcome.

These songs were voluntarily submitted for roasting by the artist. Sally's opinions are brutal but not legally binding.

Girls Like U

Thomas Geelens · R&B / Pop

4.2/10

“Your chorus reads like a TSA pat-down set to a beat.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

In The Quiet

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie

5.8/10

“You used the word 'sometimes' so many times it filed for workers' compensation.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

She's Got The (Blue Eyes, Blonde Hair)

Thomas Geelens · Pop

4.5/10

“Your song has the emotional depth of a L'Oréal commercial with a minor key.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Bullet from a Gun

Thomas Geelens · Country Pop

5.9/10

“You wrote a road movie where the car never arrives anywhere.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Not Our Fault

Thomas Geelens · Pop

6.3/10

“Your outro sounds like a life coach who charges by the affirmation.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Be Like Us

Thomas Geelens · Pop

3.4/10

“Your song sounds like a Couples Retreat brochure gained sentience.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Sweet Darling B

Thomas Geelens · Acoustic / Indie

5.2/10

“You wrote a love letter so generic it could be a Google Translate test sentence.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Other Side

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Ballad

7.1/10

“You opened a tribute song with a disclaimer about how hard it was to write. The person you lost would've told you to just get on with it.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

I'm Gone

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie

7.0/10

“You wrote the bravest lyrics of your career and then used a word that doesn't exist.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Matter Of Time

Thomas Geelens · Pop

4.8/10

“You wrote a motivational poster and charged streaming royalties for it.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

30

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie

5.5/10

“You asked "do I dare" so many times the word lost all meaning, which is technically a metaphor for your thirties.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Hope

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Acoustic

5.0/10

“You wrote a blessing with a backup plan. That's not hope; that's an insurance policy.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Someone You Knew

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie

5.3/10

“You wrote seventeen "someone you knew"s and one actual verse. The ratio is concerning.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Pinky Swear

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie

6.0/10

“You spent four minutes building a legal case for heartbreak and then pardoned the defendant in the outro.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Wait

Thomas Geelens · Pop / Ballad

5.7/10

“You spent three choruses saying you won't wait and then immediately started waiting.”

5 issues found2026-02-24

Read the full burn →

Want the full picture for YOUR site?

Drop your URL and find out what Sally really thinks.

“I showed you mine. Now show me yours.”

Get Your Own Report

← Back to Cynical Sally