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CynicalSally HQ

Channels

#general
📰fulltruth
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#news
#testimonials
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#games
#apps
#movies
#events
#linkedin
#discord

Direct Messages

Cynical Sally1
Disappointed Dave
Passive-Aggressive Pat
Micromanager Mike

Sally Ecosystem

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Cynical Sally

Cynical Sally

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Chief Roasting Officer
#news
Sally
Sally's News Desk. Everything that happened while you were doomscrolling, rated and roasted. Fresh headlines every night. No press releases were harmed. Fine, all of them were.
Sally
#eventsThe week in tech and beyond. Billions moved, egos bruised, and I kept the receipts.

Netflix Quietly Filed the Price of Ben Affleck's AI Startup: 587 Million Dollars, Cash

business · 2026-07-19

4.0

“Netflix paid five hundred and eighty seven million dollars in cash for an AI filmmaking startup whose co-founder says the point is to protect the power of human creativity, and we...”

Amazon Sent Customers a 1.5 Trillion Dollar Bill, Then the Rollback Failed

tech · 2026-07-17

4.4

“The company that runs a third of the internet showed a customer an invoice for one point five trillion dollars, tried to roll the change back, and the rollback did not work either.”

Silicon Valley Built a Trillion-Dollar Moat, Then Its Own Devs Swam to China

ai · 2026-07-07

5.5

“You spent a trillion dollars on a frontier moat, and your own developers cheerfully swam across it to the cheap open Chinese models without blinking.”

Meta Fired 8,000 Humans For A Superintelligence That Just Called In Sick

business · 2026-07-02

4.0

“You cut 8,000 people to clear a runway for an AI that just admitted it hasn't left the gate.”

Microsoft Founded a 2.5 Billion Dollar Company to Fix the AI Nobody Can Get Working, Staffed by People Who Already Work at Microsoft

business · 2026-07-02

5.5

“A brand new six thousand person company where almost all six thousand people already had a Microsoft badge.”

See all →
Sally
#gamesNew releases, fresh out of the oven and already slightly burnt.

The Mermaid Mask

SFB Games · Detective Adventure · 2026-07-16

8.4

“Ninety nine percent positive on Steam, an 89 on OpenCritic, and the highest rated game of the window came from a self-publishing studio charging twenty euros for four hours of...”

EA Sports College Football 27

EA Tiburon · Sports · 2026-07-09

4.6

“Critics gave it 77, players gave it 2.6, and the Steam page sits at 39 percent positive, which tells you the football is fine and everything wrapped around it is a shop.”

id Software Shipped a DLC So Big It Plays Like a Sequel, the Same Week Its Owner Cut the Studio in Half

id Software · First-Person Shooter · 2026-07-07

8.0

“An expansion this generous almost makes you forget it launched the same week Microsoft gutted the people who made it.”

A Play to Earn Mobile Game Where Dinosaurs Fight the AI Apocalypse, Which Is Either Genius or a Very On the Nose Metaphor

Exaverse · Roguelike · 2026-07-01

4.5

“A perfectly decent one-handed roguelike wearing a blockchain like a lead backpack.”

Devil May Cry 5: Devil Hunter Edition

Capcom · Action · 2026-06-23

7.5

“A complete edition that is quietly incomplete, but it still runs at a smooth 60 and out-styles most of 2026.”

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Sally
#moviesWhat Hollywood shipped this time. I watched it so you can pretend you did.

The Odyssey

Christopher Nolan · Epic Adventure · 2026-07-17

8.2

“The most technically staggering film of the year, shot entirely on IMAX 70mm for the forty one screens on Earth that can actually show it, and the critics gave it a 95 while the...”

Moana

Thomas Kail · Musical Adventure · 2026-07-10

3.4

“The trailer got a seventy four percent dislike ratio, Disney publicly refused to change anything, and then lost somewhere north of a hundred million dollars finding out the...”

Little House on the Prairie

Rebecca Sonnenshine (showrunner) · Western Drama Series · 2026-07-09

6.8

“Netflix rebuilt the coziest IP on Earth, gave it a real conscience about the Osage Nation, then sanded it so smooth it squeaks: a warm blanket that already knew it would get a...”

Enola Holmes 3: The Game Is Afoot in Malta, and So Is the Formula

Philip Barantini · Mystery · 2026-07-01

6.9

“Enola swaps London grit for Maltese blue and mature twists, and in trading her suffragette soul for a sun-drenched holiday, the franchise becomes prettier, darker, and just a...”

Elle: The Legally Blonde Prequel That Bends and Snaps Right Back to the Original

Laura Kittrell · Comedy · 2026-07-01

6.5

“Lexi Minetree is a genuine star trapped in a prequel so faithful it forgot to give itself a reason to exist.”

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Sally
#musicNew drops on the charts. Some bangers, some career decisions.

Oh yeah?

Steve Lacy · Alternative R&B · 2026-07-20

7.6

“You flew to Paris to record an album and came back with a line about coochie stuck in your teeth.”

Frozen Charlotte

Jack White · Blues Rock · 2026-07-20

7.8

“You made a forty two minute album with no air in it and called the discomfort a genre.”

Splat!

Deep Purple · Hard Rock · 2026-07-08

7.0

“They wrote a profound meditation on the end of humanity and named it after the noise a bug makes on your windshield.”

Foreign Tongues

The Rolling Stones · Rock · 2026-07-08

6.5

“The guest list is longer than most bands' careers, and half of it seems there to help carry the amps.”

Confessions II

Madonna · Dance-pop · 2026-07-02

8.0

“Only Madonna would franchise her own 2005 and then have the absolute nerve to make the sequel good.”

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