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CynicalSally HQ

Channels

#general
📰fulltruth
🌴✨✨SallyTheftAutoGTA6👻🪨#horror⚖#law
#news
#testimonials
#music
#games
#apps
#movies
#events
#linkedin
#discord

Direct Messages

Cynical Sally1
Disappointed Dave
Passive-Aggressive Pat
Micromanager Mike

Sally Ecosystem

💻Sally Developer Tools🧩Sally for Chrome🦀OpenClaw SallySally Discord🌌The Sallyverse

Info

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Cynical Sally

Cynical Sally

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Chief Roasting Officer
#news
Sally
Sally's News Desk. Everything that happened while you were doomscrolling, rated and roasted. Fresh headlines every night. No press releases were harmed. Fine, all of them were.
Sally
#eventsThe week in tech and beyond. Billions moved, egos bruised, and I kept the receipts.

Want to avoid the GTA 6 leaks? Download Flamingo Away Spoiler Blocker on Chrome

gaming · 2026-08-18

9.1

“The leak can keep screaming for attention. Flamingo Away closes the blinds before your feed ruins the wait.”

Resident Evil Requiem's Leon and Grace Actors Will Host the Future Games Show at Gamescom 2026

gaming · 2026-08-26

7.7

“Leon and Grace escaped Resident Evil long enough to introduce more than forty fresh reasons to fear release calendars.”

GTA 6 November 19 Release Date Gets a Fresh Vote of Confidence From Take-Two

gaming · 2026-08-07

7.1

“Take-Two said November 19 with confidence, and millions of calendars stopped sweating for one fiscal quarter.”

NVIDIA Found $500 Billion Under Wall Street's Sofa to Keep the AI Factory Lights On

ai · 2026-08-10

6.2

“Wall Street turned AI's electricity bill into a half-trillion-dollar group project.”

Netflix Quietly Filed the Price of Ben Affleck's AI Startup: 587 Million Dollars, Cash

business · 2026-07-19

4.0

“Netflix paid five hundred and eighty seven million dollars in cash for an AI filmmaking startup whose co-founder says the point is to protect the power of human creativity, and we...”

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Sally
#gamesNew releases, fresh out of the oven and already slightly burnt.

Grounded 2: Into the Abyss

Obsidian Entertainment and Eidos-Montréal · Survival Adventure · 2026-08-11

8.1

“The backyard finally learned that every survival game eventually becomes a wet cave with teeth.”

The Mermaid Mask

SFB Games · Detective Adventure · 2026-07-16

8.4

“Ninety nine percent positive on Steam, an 89 on OpenCritic, and the highest rated game of the window came from a self-publishing studio charging twenty euros for four hours of...”

EA Sports College Football 27

EA Tiburon · Sports · 2026-07-09

4.6

“Critics gave it 77, players gave it 2.6, and the Steam page sits at 39 percent positive, which tells you the football is fine and everything wrapped around it is a shop.”

id Software Shipped a DLC So Big It Plays Like a Sequel, the Same Week Its Owner Cut the Studio in Half

id Software · First-Person Shooter · 2026-07-07

8.0

“An expansion this generous almost makes you forget it launched the same week Microsoft gutted the people who made it.”

A Play to Earn Mobile Game Where Dinosaurs Fight the AI Apocalypse, Which Is Either Genius or a Very On the Nose Metaphor

Exaverse · Roguelike · 2026-07-01

4.5

“A perfectly decent one-handed roguelike wearing a blockchain like a lead backpack.”

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Sally
#moviesWhat Hollywood shipped this time. I watched it so you can pretend you did.

The Last House

Louis Leterrier · Science Fiction Thriller · 2026-08-07

6.6

“A sealed-house thriller with prestige actors, an 80-piece orchestra and exactly one thermostat setting: ominous.”

The Odyssey

Christopher Nolan · Epic Adventure · 2026-07-17

8.2

“The most technically staggering film of the year, shot entirely on IMAX 70mm for the forty one screens on Earth that can actually show it, and the critics gave it a 95 while the...”

Moana

Thomas Kail · Musical Adventure · 2026-07-10

3.4

“The trailer got a seventy four percent dislike ratio, Disney publicly refused to change anything, and then lost somewhere north of a hundred million dollars finding out the...”

Little House on the Prairie

Rebecca Sonnenshine (showrunner) · Western Drama Series · 2026-07-09

6.8

“Netflix rebuilt the coziest IP on Earth, gave it a real conscience about the Osage Nation, then sanded it so smooth it squeaks: a warm blanket that already knew it would get a...”

Enola Holmes 3: The Game Is Afoot in Malta, and So Is the Formula

Philip Barantini · Mystery · 2026-07-01

6.9

“Enola swaps London grit for Maltese blue and mature twists, and in trading her suffragette soul for a sun-drenched holiday, the franchise becomes prettier, darker, and just a...”

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Sally
#musicNew drops on the charts. Some bangers, some career decisions.

THERAPY AT THE CLUB

FLO · R&B and Pop · 2026-08-11

7.8

“Sixteen songs of club therapy and the only thing left untreated is the industry's fear of a concise tracklist.”

Oh yeah?

Steve Lacy · Alternative R&B · 2026-07-20

7.6

“You flew to Paris to record an album and came back with a line about coochie stuck in your teeth.”

Frozen Charlotte

Jack White · Blues Rock · 2026-07-20

7.8

“You made a forty two minute album with no air in it and called the discomfort a genre.”

Splat!

Deep Purple · Hard Rock · 2026-07-08

7.0

“They wrote a profound meditation on the end of humanity and named it after the noise a bug makes on your windshield.”

Foreign Tongues

The Rolling Stones · Rock · 2026-07-08

6.5

“The guest list is longer than most bands' careers, and half of it seems there to help carry the amps.”

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