This match did its job and then some, mostly by getting all the drama out of the way before most viewers had unwrapped their snacks. Brian Brobbey scored twice inside seventeen minutes, the fourth-fastest brace in World Cup history, and at that point the entertainment value was already cashed. Two goals, two finishes, zero suspense remaining: a generous opening that quietly mortgaged the rest of the afternoon.

The second half briefly threatened to be a real game, then folded. Cody Gakpo bagged two of his own within seven minutes after the break, which is efficient television and terrible drama, because a 4-0 doesn't ask any questions, it just files paperwork. Anthony Elanga's consolation gave the scoreline a pulse and gave neutrals one thing to applaud, before Crysencio Summerville's late fifth turned a rout into a formality with a bow on top.

As a spectacle it's a strange one to grade: relentlessly watchable in bursts, completely settled by the twentieth minute. You came for jeopardy and got a highlight reel instead, which is fun the way a fireworks finale is fun before the show has properly started. Great goals, real quality, no tension. Netherlands finally found their tournament; the contest mostly went missing.