Everyone spent the build-up explaining that the third-place play-off is a meaningless exhibition for two heartbroken squads, a lap of honour nobody ordered. Then England scored after two minutes and fourteen seconds, went in 4-0 up at half-time, and France came back to 4-3 by the sixty sixth minute before it finished 6-4. First 6-4 in men's World Cup history, highest scoring third-place match ever, most goals in any World Cup game since 1982. The dead rubber had a pulse the entire time. You just did not check.

England will take the bronze and pretend that was the plan. Bukayo Saka scored a hat-trick and had a fourth ruled out for offside in the eleventh minute, which is the single most English detail available: the man has the game of his life and VAR still finds something. Declan Rice opened with a curler and added an assist across eighty one passes, Ezri Konsa headed in a corner, and Jude Bellingham came off the bench on seventy nine to dribble past three Frenchmen with the last kick of the match. Thomas Tuchel rested Kane, Pickford and Bellingham, and still won 6-4, which raises an awkward question about the first eleven.

France, meanwhile, conceded six for the first time in their World Cup history, in Didier Deschamps' final match after fourteen years and one hundred and eighty seven games in charge. That is a brutal way to hand back the keys. Kylian Mbappe scored twice and became the all time World Cup top scorer on twenty two goals, Michael Olise set the single tournament assist record with seven, passing Pele, and none of it mattered because the back four spent forty five minutes behaving like men who had already checked into departures. Deschamps made four substitutions at half time. Not rotation. Damage control.