Cynical Sally listened to “I'm Gone”
Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie
Full Truth Score
“"Mom, why won't you hold me like you hold on to beliefs?" Thomas opened with a gut punch and I have to respect it. This is the rawest song in the catalogue — a direct address to both parents, no metaphors, no hiding behind third-person narratives. The honesty is staggering. But — and you knew there was a but — "now I'm an uncompleted man" is not a phrase. The word is "incomplete." You wrote the most emotionally brave song of your career and stumbled on basic vocabulary. Also, ending on "Oh, I" without the final "I am gone" leaves the song feeling like it ran out of budget mid-sentence.”
The Bright Side
“"I dream that you're holding me until I ask you stop / maybe your arms will touch and I'll be in the centre of love" — That dream sequence is devastating. He's imagining what it would feel like to be loved correctly by his parents. That's not just good songwriting; that's therapy on wax.”
Issues Found (5)
1. "Uncompleted Man" — That's Not a Word, Thomas
Evidence
"You couldn't raise a little boy / now I'm an uncompleted man" — The word you're looking for is "incomplete." Or "unfinished." "Uncompleted" is what happens when a construction project runs out of funding. You're describing profound emotional damage from childhood and you used a term from a building inspector's report.
Recommended Fix
"Now I'm an incomplete man" or "now I'm a man still unfinished" — both scan better and are actual English. Don't let a vocabulary slip undermine the most vulnerable line in the song.
2. "Can't You See You're Hurting Me Inside" — Telling Not Showing
Evidence
"Can't you see you're hurting me inside? / I feel like I've gotta run but there's nowhere to hide" — After the devastating specificity of verse 1 ("hold me like you hold on to beliefs"), this pre-chorus drops to generic territory. "Hurting me inside" is what every character in every family drama says. You SHOWED the hurt in the verse. Don't TELL it in the pre-chorus.
Recommended Fix
Replace with another specific image. "Can't you see the way I flinch when you raise your voice?" or "I learned to disappear before you'd even notice." Keep the specificity that makes the verses powerful.
3. "You Can Punch a Concrete Wall, You Can Scream, Do It All"
Evidence
"You can punch a concrete wall / you can scream, do it all" — Are you giving your parents permission to be violent? Or are you saying it won't affect you anymore? The meaning is ambiguous. It reads like either defiance or indifference, and in a song this emotionally charged, we need to know which one.
Recommended Fix
Clarify the defiance: "Go on and punch your concrete walls / go on and scream through all the halls / it doesn't reach me anymore" — make the boundary explicit.
4. The Third Verse Dream Sequence Appears and Vanishes
Evidence
"I dream that you're holding me / until I ask you stop / maybe your arms will touch / and I'll be in the centre of love" — This is the emotional peak of the entire song. And it gets four lines. Four. You gave the chorus twelve repetitions of "it doesn't matter how many times" but the most devastating moment in the song gets a single breath before you're back to the chorus.
Recommended Fix
Expand this section. Let the dream breathe. What does it look like? What does it feel like? And then let the wake-up moment — "just like any other day, I can already hear you say" — hit harder because we've been living in the fantasy longer.
5. The Ending Trails Off Into Nothing
Evidence
The song ends on "Oh, I / Oh, I" without resolving to "I am gone." Compare this to the first chorus which lands firmly on "I am gone." The ending feels like the song just... stopped. Like someone pulled the plug. Was this an artistic choice or did you run out of lyrics?
Recommended Fix
If the trailing off is intentional — representing the narrator losing their voice or resolve — make that clearer. A whispered "I am gone" fading out, or silence that feels earned. Right now it feels unfinished. (And not in the thematic way.)
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I've burned more of his songs
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“Your outro sounds like a life coach who charges by the affirmation.”
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“Your song sounds like a Couples Retreat brochure gained sentience.”
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Thomas Geelens · Acoustic / Indie
“You wrote a love letter so generic it could be a Google Translate test sentence.”
Other Side
Thomas Geelens · Pop / Ballad
“You opened a tribute song with a disclaimer about how hard it was to write. The person you lost would've told you to just get on with it.”
Matter Of Time
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“You wrote a motivational poster and charged streaming royalties for it.”
30
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“You asked "do I dare" so many times the word lost all meaning, which is technically a metaphor for your thirties.”
Hope
Thomas Geelens · Pop / Acoustic
“You wrote a blessing with a backup plan. That's not hope; that's an insurance policy.”
Someone You Knew
Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie
“You wrote seventeen "someone you knew"s and one actual verse. The ratio is concerning.”
Pinky Swear
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“You spent four minutes building a legal case for heartbreak and then pardoned the defendant in the outro.”
Wait
Thomas Geelens · Pop / Ballad
“You spent three choruses saying you won't wait and then immediately started waiting.”