Cynische Sandra luisterde naar “I'm Gone”
Thomas Geelens · Pop / Indie
Full Truth Score
“"Mom, why won't you hold me like you hold on to beliefs?" Thomas opened with a gut punch and I have to respect it. This is the rawest song in the catalogue — a direct address to both parents, no metaphors, no hiding behind third-person narratives. The honesty is staggering. But — and you knew there was a but — "now I'm an uncompleted man" is not a phrase. The word is "incomplete." You wrote the most emotionally brave song of your career and stumbled on basic vocabulary. Also, ending on "Oh, I" without the final "I am gone" leaves the song feeling like it ran out of budget mid-sentence.”
Het Lichtpuntje
“"I dream that you're holding me until I ask you stop / maybe your arms will touch and I'll be in the centre of love" — That dream sequence is devastating. He's imagining what it would feel like to be loved correctly by his parents. That's not just good songwriting; that's therapy on wax.”
Gevonden Problemen (5)
1. "Uncompleted Man" — That's Not a Word, Thomas
Bewijs
"You couldn't raise a little boy / now I'm an uncompleted man" — The word you're looking for is "incomplete." Or "unfinished." "Uncompleted" is what happens when a construction project runs out of funding. You're describing profound emotional damage from childhood and you used a term from a building inspector's report.
Aanbevolen Oplossing
"Now I'm an incomplete man" or "now I'm a man still unfinished" — both scan better and are actual English. Don't let a vocabulary slip undermine the most vulnerable line in the song.
2. "Can't You See You're Hurting Me Inside" — Telling Not Showing
Bewijs
"Can't you see you're hurting me inside? / I feel like I've gotta run but there's nowhere to hide" — After the devastating specificity of verse 1 ("hold me like you hold on to beliefs"), this pre-chorus drops to generic territory. "Hurting me inside" is what every character in every family drama says. You SHOWED the hurt in the verse. Don't TELL it in the pre-chorus.
Aanbevolen Oplossing
Replace with another specific image. "Can't you see the way I flinch when you raise your voice?" or "I learned to disappear before you'd even notice." Keep the specificity that makes the verses powerful.
3. "You Can Punch a Concrete Wall, You Can Scream, Do It All"
Bewijs
"You can punch a concrete wall / you can scream, do it all" — Are you giving your parents permission to be violent? Or are you saying it won't affect you anymore? The meaning is ambiguous. It reads like either defiance or indifference, and in a song this emotionally charged, we need to know which one.
Aanbevolen Oplossing
Clarify the defiance: "Go on and punch your concrete walls / go on and scream through all the halls / it doesn't reach me anymore" — make the boundary explicit.
4. The Third Verse Dream Sequence Appears and Vanishes
Bewijs
"I dream that you're holding me / until I ask you stop / maybe your arms will touch / and I'll be in the centre of love" — This is the emotional peak of the entire song. And it gets four lines. Four. You gave the chorus twelve repetitions of "it doesn't matter how many times" but the most devastating moment in the song gets a single breath before you're back to the chorus.
Aanbevolen Oplossing
Expand this section. Let the dream breathe. What does it look like? What does it feel like? And then let the wake-up moment — "just like any other day, I can already hear you say" — hit harder because we've been living in the fantasy longer.
5. The Ending Trails Off Into Nothing
Bewijs
The song ends on "Oh, I / Oh, I" without resolving to "I am gone." Compare this to the first chorus which lands firmly on "I am gone." The ending feels like the song just... stopped. Like someone pulled the plug. Was this an artistic choice or did you run out of lyrics?
Aanbevolen Oplossing
If the trailing off is intentional — representing the narrator losing their voice or resolve — make that clearer. A whispered "I am gone" fading out, or silence that feels earned. Right now it feels unfinished. (And not in the thematic way.)
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