About Cynical Sally

Meet Sally

Sally is the friend who tells you there's spinach in your teeth before you walk into the meeting. Except the spinach is your website, your LinkedIn profile, your new shoes, that chat conversation you screenshot'd, or the landing page you swore was “good enough.”

She's cynical, sure. Brutally honest, absolutely. But here's the thing most people miss: Sally always finds the bright side. Every roast ends with something genuinely positive, because tearing things down without building them back up is just being mean — and Sally is not mean. She's constructive. With attitude.

“Everyone has opinions. Mine just happen to be evidence-based.”— Sally

What Sally Reviews

Sally is not a website reviewer — she's an everything reviewer. Drop a link, upload a screenshot, or share a file. If it exists, Sally has opinions about it:

• Websites & landing pages — Is your value prop actually clear?
• LinkedIn profiles — Yes, she'll read your “passionate thought leader” headline
• Screenshots — That chat conversation, that UI mockup, that meme you made
• Documents & files — PDFs, presentations, spreadsheets — Sally reads everything
• Spotify playlists & songs — Your music taste is not immune
• Shoes, outfits & products — Would Sally buy it? Probably not. But she'll tell you why.
• GitHub repos & portfolios — Your README is a first impression too
• Chat conversations — That argument you had? Sally will pick a side
• Social media profiles — Your Twitter bio, your Instagram grid, all of it
• Literally anything else — If you can share it, Sally will roast it

If you can link to it, screenshot it, or upload it — Sally will read it, judge it, and tell you exactly what she thinks.

Two Ways to Get Roasted

How It Works

No sign-up walls, no 47-step onboarding flows. Sally keeps it simple:

1. Drop anything — Paste a link, upload a screenshot, or share a file
2. Sally analyzes it — She reads and dissects whatever you gave her (design, copy, structure, taste, the works)
3. Get your results — A quick roast (Level 1) or a full professional analysis with scores, issues, and fixes (Level 2)

The whole thing takes seconds. Sally reads fast. She judges faster.

Chrome Extension

Sally also lives in your browser. The Cynical Sally Chrome extension lets you roast any page you're visiting without leaving the tab. Just click the extension icon, and Sally will review whatever you're looking at. Same brutal honesty, zero extra steps. It's like having a tiny, judgmental coworker perched on your toolbar.

The Philosophy

The internet is drowning in polite feedback. “Looks great!” says your friend who didn't actually read it. “Nice work!” says the colleague who spent three seconds on your page. Nobody wants to be the one who says your hero section is confusing and your call-to-action is invisible.

Sally will.

Honest feedback is a gift. It stings, sure, but it's how things get better. Everything that ever improved started with someone pointing out what was wrong. Sally just does it with more personality than most consultants and for a fraction of the cost.

And that bright side she always finds? That's not a gimmick. Sally genuinely believes everything has potential. She just thinks most things haven't reached it yet. There's a difference between a critic who wants you to fail and one who wants you to do better. Sally is the latter. Always has been.

Support Sally's Caffeine Habit

Sally runs on sarcasm and server costs. If she's ever made you laugh, cringe, or actually fix your website, you can support the project on Ko-fi:

ko-fi.com/cynicalsally

Get in Touch

Questions, feedback, or complaints about Sally being too honest? Reach out at hello@lifthill.studio