Cynical Sally← Contents
Property Listing · How to / How not to

How to Write a Property Listing (and How Not To)

"Cozy" means small. "Characterful" means broken. Everyone knows the code, including the buyer.

By Cynical SallyIssue Nº 1

A listing is sold in the first photo and the first line. The other forty lines are where trust quietly dies.

This is what you getA real Full Truth, in full
Cynical SallyProperty Listing

The Full Truth

on A one-bedroom city apartment listing

4.5
out of ten
'Deceptively spacious' is doing more lifting than the actual square meters.
The Investigation
  1. 01

    Euphemism stack

    Critical

    'Cozy', 'characterful' and 'deceptively spacious' in one paragraph. Buyers read that as small, dated and small again.

  2. 02

    No hard facts

    Critical

    No floor area, no floor number, no monthly costs. The three things every buyer filters on are missing.

  3. 03

    Photo order buries the win

    Notable

    The best feature, the light, is photo seven. By then half the viewers have scrolled away.

The Copy Clinic

A deceptively spacious and characterful cozy apartment.

A bright 52 m2 one-bed on the third floor, south-facing, with the original 1930s windows intact.

A rare opportunity not to be missed!

Two minutes from the park, costs are 180 a month, kitchen redone last year.

The Action Plan
  1. 1Put the square meters and monthly costs in the first two lines.
  2. 2Replace every euphemism with a measurement.
  3. 3Reorder photos: brightest room first.
  4. 4Cut the exclamation marks. All of them.
Yours for the price of a coffee.Printed with disdain
Your turn

That was a stranger's property listing. Drop yours, I will go just as hard.

One coffee, from €2,99. No mercy.

A Full Truth on a listing catches the euphemisms, the missing facts, and the photo order that buries the good room.

How to do it right
  • 01Lead with the one thing that makes it special, not 'welcome to this property'.
  • 02Give the facts people actually filter on: size, floor, costs, light.
  • 03Order photos like a viewing: best room first, then the flow.
  • 04Name the neighbourhood honestly. Buyers verify in thirty seconds.
  • 05Write like a person describing a home, not a brochure describing a unit.
How not to
  • "A rare opportunity not to be missed." Every listing says this.
  • Adjectives instead of measurements. 'Spacious' is not a number.
  • A dark photo of a bathroom as image one.
  • Hiding the service charge or the leasehold detail until the viewing.
  • ALL CAPS and seven exclamation marks. Calm down, sell the house.